During my tween years I developed a particularly strong interest in wrestling, which oddly, and perhaps hideously, manifested itself in a hobby that, for lack of a better term, can only be described as, stupidly awesome eWRESTLING.
And now, a lovely glimpse at the character sheet for “Jack Brooze” (handsome bald guy):
Gimmick Name: Jack Brooze
Real Name: Jack Brusatelli
Birthplace: Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, NY
Height: 6’7”
Weight: 267 lbs.
Birthdate: 6/29/74
Entrance Music: “Down” by Stone Temple Pilots
Wrestling Style: Capoeira / Technical / Powerhouse
Weapon: 9 Iron
Finisher: Brain Freeze (Cross DDT into an Inverted Sit-Down Tombstone) / Nine Iron Nails (9 Iron Club Face to the Chin)Wrestler’s Appearance - Jack Brooze wears dark dull colored carpenter jeans that are ripped at the bottom, along with working boots, and no shirt. Jack Brooze is an Italian, very tan, and bald. He has a huge scarline that appears to go right through his right eye. He has very dark eyes, and a wide goatee.
Character - He is very fond of his birthplace, Brooklyn, New York, and revisits it quite often. He is a face alignment, but can be booed at times, due to his attitude towards other. He has a smart mouth, and doesn’t cuss over-obsessively. He has over 10 catch phrases, such as “Who’s ready for a six-pack of bruisin?” and “You could use an over the counter beatin’ if you ask me!” and a less often used quote, “
I’m gonna shove you down my throat, drink it down with some beer respectively, crap you out of my rear, spread you on a piece of toast and set you on fire! Then, I’m gonna recycle your *ss, and throw the beer can on the floor. Becuase you know what? I don’t give a flyin’ frig ‘bout recyclin’!”.There are many others, but to list them all would be quite a task.
Quotes:
“You can bet a bowl of soup on that!” TOTALLY AWESOME“I think you’re in line for an over the counter beatin’!“ FAIL
”Whose ready for a six pack of bruisin’?“ FAIL
“And’s that’s all I gotta say to you.” TOTALLY AWESOME
”You’re the most imcompetent piece of non-biodegradable trash I have ever seen!“ FAIL
”Ahh buck off!“ FAIL
”You’re one bad case of Wasabe!” FAIL
”Bruisin’ with Authority!“ FAIL
Next time: Jack Brooze stories!
Wayne, I’m really sorry…
This one kinda speaks for itself.
How many legality issues can you find with this document?
A glimpse into my childhood fascination with rap. And cheesy plays on words. Did I say childhood?
One part mean, one part flattering. This kid once threw a handful of dimes at me.
Nice kid.
Ironically, Ali was of a robust complexion.
I never ate a Big Bacon Classic again.
p.s. Anyone else trying to bring “brang” back?
Tomato side-effects:
- broken neck
- inexplicable limb rearrangement
I did Mike Vernon a huge disservice.
